Amy’s DMT Trip

an interview by Gyrus

Amy: I had known about it for years, and really, really wanted to try it, ’cause from what I had heard it was the ultimate hit. Then I knew some friends who could get hold of it, so when they had a free hit, I went with them after a party. There were just two of us. My friend took me to this room, a bedroom, drew the curtains so it was completely dark, and I smoked it.

Gyrus: Did you close your eyes all the way through it?

Amy: No, I opened up my eyes half way through. But when I first smoked it, I laid back. And within about three seconds, I could feel it, and I reckon that within about five seconds it was more mental than any trip I’d ever had in my life, any drug experience I’d had in my life. It was stronger than anything I’d ever experienced. Something that I couldn’t even put into words, it was so crazy. It had a really familiar taste as well. I recognised the chemical from something… really familiar…

Gyrus: Have you figured out where that came from?

Amy: I think maybe from when I was younger—I was in a really bad accident. I don’t know if it is, but… like with ketamine, I was only really small… the first time I did ketamine, it reminded me of something I’d done—and I reckon it was from hospital, maybe. I’m not saying DMT was the same, but it was really familiar.

Gyrus: Hospital smells, or… ?

Amy: Really synthetic. Like something that I don’t come across often. But I know ketamine was used as a child anaesthetic. So with DMT, it made me think it was something like that…

The experience I had on it was full-on. Literally within about three seconds of shutting my eyes, I felt like I was folding up into this cube and hurtling upwards. Eventually, I hit this point where I was a really small cube, and I seemed to break through some boundary. And as soon as I was through that boundary, it was… out of the darkness and into the light. Like being in the middle of a painting or a mosaic—but in the middle of it, everything three-dimensional; you are actually there, like you’re in the bedroom. That world is as real as this world, but it’s like something you’ve never seen before.

Gyrus: And you were still a cube?

Amy: No, I was me, flying. Actually flying through the air as me, but flying like Superman (laughs). It was really mad, ’cause I broke through into this mosaic of colours… really, really amazing colours, all my favourite colours, really bright colours. I had a sense of smell as well. I could feel the wind going through my hair, I had all my sense of feeling, like I was actually there.

Gyrus: Yeah, I’ve had that sensation a few times in lucid dreams.

Amy: It is so real. Quite amazing… At first, you’re really scared when you do it, ’cause you really don’t know what to expect, so I suppose you really have to control yourself, maybe calm yourself. Your brain stays really normal. It is really normal, it is like you, now.

Gyrus: But everything out there is…

Amy: Everything you see is totally different, you’re just put somewhere else. It is so real, everything’s three-dimensional. It’s not like… when you’re on acid, things wobble. But this was really different. After a while of getting used to flying, it was like, "Right! I’m gonna see where I can go! I’m gonna check out a few places." I was flying through this mosaic of colours, lots of cubes and things, passing around me, and through me as well—things would go through me. Eventually, I reached this massive mosaic archway; almost like what vines would grow over, an archway into a garden. I went through it, and it was an orchard. It was timeless when I was in there, I can’t say how long I was there. I was just flying through this orchard, and I could smell all the fruit—there were apples and pears and plums, and they were really bid, as big as me. Really bright, ready to be eaten. I wanted to eat them as well—I could could smell them, and feel them, I wanted to eat them as well. It was really good fun, just flying amongst these trees. For ages, it seemed like.

And then… then suddenly, I got grabbed from that trip, from the orchard—it literally seemed like being grabbed, and picked up and just chucked into another dimension. I landed in this dimension, and I wasn’t free, I wasn’t able to control where I went—which really scared me. I was held down, bound down, and I had absolutely no control of where I was going to. In the distance I could see this grid-like structure, a three-dimensional grid, and it was really massive, like the size of a house or something. I was being pulled towards it. When I got so close to it, I became really scared, because there was nothing I could do—these things were holding me down. And although I was floating towards it, it was like I was on a conveyor belt. I started trying to struggle. I was really, really scared. I gradually started floating into the middle of this grid-like structure. It was grid-shaped, but it wasn’t a continuous grid. At the end of some of the grids were sort of spikes, almost arm-like things. I think it was bright fluorescent blue… really blue—or really pink—I can’t remember now. I looked at what I’d written down… I’m sure it was blue, a fluorescent blue colour. I got into the middle of it, and I was still struggling—and by then, I was really, really scared. It looked like… it didn’t look man-made, but it didn’t look like anything I’d seen before. I stopped, and I really started freaking out, and then I felt something trying to calm me, nurture me—saying, "Don’t worry, you’re alright. Relax, it’s alright…"

Gyrus: Was this an actual voice?

Amy: No, it was something that was… it wasn’t something I could hear, it was something in my head. When you do [DMT], you really become aware of every little particle inside your body… all my ‘muscles’ in my brain I could feel working, everything in my body I could feel, I was really conscious of my whole body, instead of just my body as a vehicle. I could feel all the ‘muscles’ in my brain working, so it was… telepathically talking. During the whole time of all my trip, I could hear another noise, which I was hearing through my ears. That was like… it was almost like… The noise happened in, I suppose, 30 second intervals, or something… It was keeping a pace going. That was like a banging noise, say like a drum banging; and then there was this grinding noise, like a grinding metal noise. Like a cog, I suppose, turning. So I knew I was hearing through my ears, and I knew I was hearing sort of telepathically through my brain. This voice was saying, "Don’t worry, I’m not gonna hurt you, I’m gonna help you, I’m gonna make you feel better… I am good for you." I don’t know… it was just a really comforting person, entity. And it was from this grid-work structure. It was male, definitely, I know it was male. And it did have energy, as well, I know it had energy. Before, I looked at this grid-like structure from a distance, and I thought it was… not man-made, but could be man-made. But when I was inside it, it had energy like other people do. It was just really nurturing to me, so I suppose I relaxed, and was comforted by it, and trusted it. Then it carried on talking to me, saying, "I will heal you. You won’t have any problems, forget everything that you’re thinking at the moment, you shouldn’t be thinking it. Just trust me and you’ll be fine, this will be like nothing you’ve ever experienced before in your life." I relaxed into it and I found myself suspended in mid-air, in the middle of these points which were leading off this grid-work structure. Once I was relaxed enough, it sent out this ectoplasm… Well, I call it that ’cause that’s what it’s called in Ghostbusters! (laughs) It was this silky, creamy stuff which came out of its points, and it covered me totally, I was completely covered from head to toe.

Gyrus: What did it feel like?

Amy: It was just silky, creamy, but it totally covered me, it was like a gunge that covered me, really smooth, though. I was cocooned in it, I suppose. Then started… Cor, this is where it gets mad! (laughs) I was suspended there, totally nice, totally comforted… Nothing could hurt me, nothing could harm me, it felt like. And this entity that I was with was everything that I wanted, everything that I needed. There was nothing bad about it, it was like someone I’d known for years. It was my entity, it seemed like, it knew me, knew what I wanted, knew what I needed.

Gyrus: Did you think that it knew you were coming to it?

Amy: I think it just picked me up.

Gyrus: That was what picked you up and plonked you down?

Amy: Totally, because I was in the middle of an orchard, just feeling fucking wicked, feeling totally free, feeling I could go anywhere, do anything, having real fun, really good fun flying around smelling fruit, in and out of the trees… It took me when I was having most fun, if you get what I mean. I don’t know why that is… Maybe because you’d be least scared by it. But I didn’t wish for it, didn’t even know what to expect. It was really familiar, he was really familiar.

Anyway, I was suspended in the middle of him, and then he started saying, "This isn’t going to hurt, just trust me. What’s about to happen will probably quite scare you, but trust me, it won’t hurt you, it won’t hurt you." Then I felt my leg come away from my body—he ripped my leg away from my body. And then all this stuff ran out… I felt all my troubles, my aches and pains, my paranoias, come out of my leg, dripped out. Then he put my leg back on. I was like, This is nice! Then he did it to my other leg, exactly the same thing happened. Then he did it to my arms, did it to my body, then pulled my head off my neck, it all came out, came out my head. When he put it back on, I just had the most amazing feeling I’ve ever had in my life. I just felt fucking excellent. Really, truly me; free of all paranoias, ego, anything, just me, my true self. And at this point, as soon as he put me back together, it was just like… Rrrraagghhh! I just jumped up in complete ecstasy, just like, Wow! This is fucking amazing! I jumped up, yeah, and opened up my eyes—before I was lying down—opened up my eyes and jumped up, and sat myself up on the bed. I jumped up and pushed myself forward and opened up my eyes, and I could feel all this ectoplasm stuff, which was like this sheet of velvet coming off my face, and I was pushing my way through it, and I pushed my way through it, and I was sat in the bedroom with my eyes open. But I was in fact in the middle of an orchard… It wasn’t the bedroom that I recognized, I couldn’t recognize any of the room, not at all. I looked around and I was sitting in the orchard again.

And then my friend spoke to me; it was like, "Amy! Amy! You’re only half way through the trip, what’re you doing?" (laughs) Then I heard where the voice was coming from, and looked at him, and worked out what was energy and what wasn’t energy, and saw my friend. He looked like… loads of oranges and reds, like a cubist painting, really three-dimensional. I wouldn’t have recognized him if he hadn’t spoken, or maybe I would have felt it was him, but it wasn’t until he spoke that I realized that it was him. He was like a cubist painting, and his eyes were like target ranges, red dots. I spoke to him and told him what I was seeing, what he looked like, where we were, in the orchard. And he went, "Just relax, shut your eyes. You’re only half way through the trip."

So I looked around the bedroom, and then shut my eyes, and I went back into the middle of this grid-work. This entity started talking to me, really soothing me, really comforting me… I don’t know, it was really weird, he was almost like a lover or something… really, really weird… a really close encounter. And then I felt this mad feeling again, going up through my little toe, and it crawled all the way up my leg, and up through my body, and it felt like when it hit my heart, there was a massive explosion, and he was like, "You’re well now, you don’t have to worry about anything, you don’t have to fear anything." And it was just… I’ve just never felt so amazing in my life. It felt like a complete cleansing process. And then we talked for while, and then he let me off on my way, and I went back to the orchard, flew around there, and I gradually started to come down. I could feel myself dropping downwards, a sensation of dropping downwards. And I felt myself come into the bedroom and gradually come down into my body… and then you open up your eyes and there’s cubes and colours and things going past you. And then you gradually come down.

Gyrus: So it’s like the same as coming up in reverse?

Amy: Yeah, I actually felt myself leave my body at a hundred miles per hour, hurtle out of myself, go into a small cube and then explode outside the… whatever. And then when I came back down I felt myself falling back down through… whatever… and then gradually into the room, gradually down to the bed.

I spoke to my friends about it afterwards, they were like, "What happened?" I told them about the orchard. I’d been to their house before, but I’d never been to their back garden. It’s really peculiar, because they’d put an orchard into their back garden, which I didn’t know about. And to get into the orchard in their back garden, you have to go through a big archway with a vine covering it, and then once you’re in there, they’ve got plums, apples and pears in there! (laughs) …which were just coming out into fruit. Which is really full-on, really mad… It’s really peculiar, because since I’ve done it, and I haven’t done DMT since, but I still do ketamine, still do acid… And when I’ve been on ketamine I’ve met loads of different entities—like, definitely, they’re not in my head, like you have trips, and then you have trips where something astounding happens, and you meet an energy, which is as true an energy as you, you know it’s an energy, everything has energy that is real, has life.

Gyrus: Do you ever come down and think, well, maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t, or do you have complete conviction that it was a separate entity, even after you come down?

Amy: I know it was, it was as real as you and me. Definitely. It was a DMT entity, definitely. I say that because I’ve done ketamine, and, well not on every trip, only on special trips, I don’t know why it happens, but you can do ketamine and you can want to meet an entity, and maybe because you’re wanting, you’re not free of yourself, so you can do loads of it and it will never happen. But when you’re least expecting it, it will happen, you’ll meet something. And since then I’ve done ketamine and been on a really full-on trip, and I’ve met entities, but they’ve been ketamine entities, I’ve know they’re ketamine entities. Then on about two or three trips, since the DMT experience, I’ve been on ketamine, and everyone that I’ve been meeting have been ketamine entities, and then suddenly I’ll just get snatched from that trip and just chucked onto another voyage, for I don’t know how long, maybe about three or four seconds, and I’ll be with this entity I met on DMT, which is a totally different entity—I couldn’t even say they’re from the same lot…

Gyrus: What differences do you see between ketamine and DMT entities?

Amy: Ketamine entities are more like shadows, I reckon. A lot more like shadows, a lot more subtle. You feel they’re there, and you see them, but they’re more shadow-like. The DMT ones are so strong—they’re more bold, colourful.

Gyrus: Is there any difference in how you relate to them?

Amy: Well I’ve met ketamine ones and they’ve been my friends, and they really have been my friends, it felt like. But the DMT one was a lot stronger than that, there was more of a bond. He wasn’t just a friend, it felt like he was looking over me. It was a lot more of a personal thing. A few times I’ve taken from really heavy ketamine trips, and I’ll end up with my DMT entity, maybe just for a few seconds, but it’s a few seconds for him to let me know he’s still there. He’ll comfort me…

Gyrus: Maybe he knows you can’t get hold of any DMT, so he bursts in somewhere else…

Amy: Well, I don’t know… something like that. The feeling I got when I met him was such a closeness, such a closeness, so much familiarity, that it is like he is my entity. We are, somehow or other, bonded. From the times that I’ve met him since, they’ve been times for him to reconfirm with me that he is there. That’s why I really want to do it again, to see if I meet up with him again. And if I do, maybe I can really talk to him.

(We break to go to the toilet…)

Right, the entity that I met on DMT, it goes a lot deeper, I think. It really does, because I could really, really think about him, because he was so real to me. He was a lot more caring…

Gyrus: Because he’s so close?

Amy: Yeah, but the whole… When I met him, it was nurturing like maybe… (pause) Maybe how a mother nurtures her child, more like that, something so close, something really, really close, like something that you only share with a few special people. And that’s the feeling I got from it. The entities that I’ve met on ketamine, it hasn’t been that feeling at all, they’re more mischievous, I think. They don’t care for you.

Gyrus: Are they friendly?

Amy: Some are really horrible, some are really friendly. They have an interest in you, definitely, ’cause you’re not from where they’re from, you’re a different energy to them. They definitely have an interest in you, but maybe not for your best interests, maybe for their own. I think they’re more like mischievous, devious… for whatever reason. They really like to try and entice you as well. Theirs is a real yearning, I find. Maybe you yearn for their energy and they yearn for yours. But it’s not as straight down the line… with the entity I met on DMT, it was straight down the line, every word he said to me I really believed in. I really trusted him because of a feeling which I had between us two. It sounds like a really mad love affair, but… it was.

Gyrus: Did it feel sexual at all, erotic… ?

Amy: It was really sexual, yeah. But like nothing on this earth.

Gyrus: Nothing you could relate to something happening when you’re straight…

Amy: No, it wasn’t ‘dirty’ or anything like that, it was like the purest love, it seemed like. Yeah, it was really sexual, but like nothing you could have on earth, it was just pure love, it was, definitely.

Gyrus: When you were talking, when you were there, were you talking…

Amy: …I was really freaked out, I was really freaked out… I wasn’t actually asking it questions, but it was answering my needs, and I knew that it was through my brain. I know that next time, I’ll know what to expect—it won’t be my first trip, so I can be more calm about it.

Gyrus: Did you actually speak to it at all?

Amy: No, it was just answering my needs, everything that I thought; it was answering my thoughts. Maybe that is speaking…

Gyrus: Mike said that for about a month afterwards you felt absolutely…

Amy: I felt totally… cleansed. I felt like every little bit of my muscles, every particle in my body, it just felt like an engine being retuned. I was just completely retuned, I just felt amazing. Nothing was there to break my bubble. It was really weird as well… Straight afterwards, coming down from the trip, my brain was… completely brand new. It felt like, because I had used every part of my body, I knew how to use every part of my body. I remember going back into a room full of people, and I did, I’m sure I was reading everyone’s minds, I’m sure I picked up on what everyone was thinking. And maybe for the next two days as well. I talked to my friend, one of my girlfriends, about it, and was talking to her about what she was thinking, and she was thinking it, those were her exact thoughts. So I reckon you do…