Number ones
Haven’t been tagged with a blogging meme for a while, so I thought I’d honour Merrick nominating me for this one. The idea is to find five searches that your site appears at number one in Google for, and then tag five other blogs. Sexual content in the searches gets a bonus, which is actually more than just healthy puerility; the internet being what it is, ranking high for obscenities is a real acheivement.
I’ll preface this with a little caveat. Google’s search results often vary from domain to domain (i.e. from google.com to google.co.uk), and also from time to time. The following I found hitting the #1 spot on google.co.uk, today.
- microsoft office swastika
- strap-on transexual freud devil
- visionary ecstatic smut elvis
- chinese tryptamine spam
- throbbing apocalypse cum fuck
Actually, I’m pipped to the post on that last one by a vast page of Throbbing Gristle reviews, but I think even a #2 spot for that phrase deserves acclaim.
For what it’s worth, I’ll tag Joel Biroco, Mark Pilkington, Natasha Young… and I’ll stop there. I always run out of people to tag—maybe that’s a good thing.
P.S. Just checking the above links before posting, I found that in the time between first searching and writing this, in the “strap-on transexual freud devil” search result my dreamflesh.com #1 hit had been replaced by a PDF of the same content that’s been uploaded to scribd.com. Mine hasn’t even been nudged to #2—it’s just gone. I’ve flicked through the next few pages of results and couldn’t find the dreamflesh.com page before I became queasy. (Really, some of the other things alongside in the results for the above are for the extremely jaded only.)
Quality stuff there, Gyrus. I also tagged A Daisy Through Concrete, who reports that one of his is:
“a boat carved out of a giant carrot”
This particular phrase returns 101 exact matches, all of them referring to me. Which I think, according to the rules of the internet, means that I now have to get it carved on my headstone.
Does this mean you might end up under a grave declaring ’strap-on transexual freud devil’?
Merrick - 23rd November 2009 @ 11:06
Since I have been ‘resting’ from the journal, the searches coming to my site have mostly been respectable. But for a while I used to collect them all into one file. All of those were in the top ten at one time or other.
For at least two years I was number one in Google on ‘Nigerian whores’. I also attracted a lot of attention on the search ‘fucking in the bath’, but that must have led to some disappointment as the post in question was about a bath too big to go up the stairs, leading to the person trying to get it up saying ‘fucking bath’ a lot.
But I think it was ‘tibetan girls naked’ that made me realise there was a whole area of the porn industry that had just not taken off, and I was seeing the first dribble of excitement.
When I start up the journal again next year, I may well taken up your challenge.
Joel - 24th November 2009 @ 1:52
great article ! i love it .. Thank for this.
Grey - 16th December 2009 @ 4:19